All Things Beautiful
by cloudosaurus
Summary: Sometimes he wondered why Yumichika even bothered to interact with him in the first place. Why? It wasn't even worth his time. Did he do it purposefully? Just to make Ikkaku feel even more inferior and insecure?
1. Chapter 1

"Yumichika …"

" … Nani?"

"Let's play a game."

"Oh, and just what kind of game might you have in mind?" questioned the beauty, arching a brow, amethyst orbs gazing seductively at his partner through fluttering eyelashes, as long pale fingers twirled a strand of glossy black hair.

Ikkaku did his best to avoid those alluring eyes, fixedly staring at an unsightly blemish on the wooden floor. He actually, really, _truly_ wanted to play a different kind of game this time. A game which might be identified in the Human World as 'Twenty Questions'.

Supposedly, he had known Yumi since their Rukongai days, yet sometimes, the bald shinigami wondered just how much his lover was keeping from him. As friends, and now as a couple, Ikkaku barely _knew_ anything more than the fifth seat's likes and dislikes, and, well, sweet spots. If that counted. Oh, yes, he knew how to make him moan, scream, _beg_ … But that was part of the problem. Ikkaku shook his head with a growl, rashly punching a hole through the paper thin walls. He could take out his frustration in no other way.

Sometimes he wondered why Yumichika even bothered to interact with him in the first place. Why? It wasn't even worth his time. Did he do it purposefully? Just to make Ikkaku feel even more inferior and insecure? He could imagine Yumi's petite, lithe, graceful form under his own bulky, graceless body. Yumi's soft, creamy alabaster skin as he ran his own rough, scarred hands over it. Every morning, as Ikkaku gently combed his lover's silky ebony locks, he felt a sharp pang at his bald reflection staring back at him through the mirror. But perhaps what tortured him most of all was his smile. No matter when or why, if Yumichika graced the world with his smile's irresistible charm, anyone would melt. Ikkaku, on the other hand, could never manage more than a maniacal grin which drove people away and frightened the little ones to tears. Yes, the third seat wondered almost every moment _why_ Yumi was with him. Was he not disgusted to be even caught _near_ a hideous creature like himself?

The next thing he realized, that very beauty was kneeling in front of him, a concerned gaze boring into his own, warm hands stroking his cheek, tenderly wiping his eyes. Wait - wiping his eyes? Once again, Ikkaku groaned, simultaneously humiliated and infuriated with himself. He, the third seat of the 11th squad, crying? Over such a trivial matter as appearances? No, no, _no_. All that mattered was strength, power, battle. Yet, even as he tried to convince himself so, Ikkaku knew that this was not true. Somewhere along the way, things had changed. _He_ had changed. Now, all that really mattered was simply Yumichika.

"Ikkaku," softly admonished the said man, breaking his thoughts, "You don't look beautiful when you cry…"

* * *

Yumichika gasped in surprise as suddenly, he was pinned down to the cold floor, Ikkaku grasping his wrists tightly with one hand, using the other to support himself over the smaller man.

"Ik-Ikkaku, stop," he whimpered, caught off guard. What had gotten into his beloved, he absolutely could not fathom. Before they had begun to have a romantic relationship, everything had seemed fine. Yet, during the past five months, Yumichika had started to notice Ikkaku changing, and not quite for the better. He would be melancholy, then elated, then melancholy again, and this cycle just kept continuing. If this was how things were going to be, then perhaps it would be better if they went back to simply being good friends. No matter how much it would hurt himself, Yumichika could not stand to see Ikkaku in pain. Battle was one aspect of life, but the heart was entirely another.

Of course, he could see that something was bothering his love. He was no fool. Despite this, as much as he hated to admit it, he was a coward regarding such matters. He could not bring himself to ask just _what_.

So, at the moment, as Yumichika found himself trapped between the ground and Ikkaku, the latter's salty tears dripping down onto his own face, it was his turn to sigh haplessly. Relinquishing a futile struggle, he resigned himself to glancing anywhere - the walls, the ceiling, the furniture - anywhere except his darling's saddened eyes. However, when Ikkaku eventually loosened the vise like grip on his lover's delicate wrists, he gingerly reached up to caress the sniffling shinigami's face.

* * *

Ikkaku shied away, ducking his head to the side as Yumi's fingertips brushed his cheek, leaving a tingling sensation. Perhaps at another time he would have welcomed this gesture, but right now, his heart was wallowing in the depths of self-loathing. He could not stand to dirty those beautiful, dainty hands by tainting them with the touch of his skin.

* * *

By this point, Yumichika had really had enough of Ikkaku's childish behaviour. Deserting any efforts to be gentle, the petite man firmly grabbed a calloused hand between his two, and, ignoring the other's half-assed struggle to pull away, held it close to his own heart, hoping that his thick headed Ikkaku would understand that Yumi loved him and only him, come what way. The two sat together in silence, ensnared in a tender embrace, yet, even as the tension in the atmosphere dissipated, Yumichika was uneasy, his mind restless. His dilemma had not yet been settled: To ask. Or not to ask.

His thoughts raced. What if he asked what the problem was but couldn't do anything to help Ikkaku solve it? That would make matters worse, wouldn't it? Ikkaku would hate him - he would lose his confidence in Yumichika, he would stop trusting Yumichika. And then the relationship would end, and what's worse, even their friendship - which had taken decades to build - would be destroyed. Everything that mattered to Yumichika would be obliterated … he was _afraid_ … he didn't want to mess up _again_, be utterly useless all over _again_. His pulse quickened, his breath unsteady. Yet, looking at Ikkaku's forlorn expression, Yumichika steeled his nerves and unbeautifully spewed -

"Wassamatta?"

Ikkaku sat up from his resting place on his partner's lap and blinked in confusion.

"Eh?"

Yumichika gulped audibly, sucked in a deep breath, and, bracing himself for the worst, repeated, "What's wrong?"

…

That's it. Two words. And they would change both of their lives forever.

* * *

A/N :

Well, that's the end of Part I. Haha, "lives" should really be changed to "afterlives", shouldn't it?

Anyway, in the mean time, reviews are much appreciated! :)


	2. Chapter 2

Ikkaku raised his eyebrows in genuine surprise. Of all the things, he hadn't actually expected Yumichika to ask him what the problem was. Or rather, he was afraid that replying would just make the situation a hell lot more uncomfortable than it already had become. He cleared his throat deliberately, trying to gain time. Just how should he put it, in order to preserve the remainder of his dignity and to avoid making Yumichika feel awkward as well? Truth be told, he was at loss of words. Fishing for diplomatic tactics was far from third seat's cup of tea. An exhausted sigh escaped as the shinigami came uncharacteristically close to giving up on his attempts.

Yumichika was drumming his fingers, impatient. Ikkaku could've sworn that the 5th seat looked even more uncomfortable than himself, and briefly wondered why.

"Are you going to spit it out or not!?" Black eyebrows furrowed and rosy lips pouted in irritation.

Oh no, the last think Ikkaku needed right now was a tantrum, and he could imagine quite clearly the timer inside Yumi's mind ticking - 5, 4, 3, 2, - - -

"Alright, well," Ikkaku began, averting his eyes. "I want to know more about you and such - - "

"How stupid do you think I am?"

Ikkaku cringed.

"Really, here I'm actually trying to help you, and you don't even care about that! Don't you trust me? All you can think about is yourself! You and your stupid ego! You're such a self-centered idiot! Cueball! Baldy! I'm not talking to you again! You're fugly!"

Okay. That. Was. The last straw.

"That's it, Yumi! There's only so much that I can take! You narcissistic jackass! Who's the selfish one here? If you actually wanted to help me, you'd try to understand how I feel. You're so fucking superficial! You just want to _show_ that you care. That's all! I mean nothing to you, do I?"

* * *

The door slammed in Yumichika's face as Ikkaku stalked out. His eyes dropped to the floor, welling with tears. A silky pink kimono sleeve came up to dab them.

'What have I done? I've fucked up again. Damnit, I really am superficial, aren't I? I'm the worst. I hate it. I hate myself. I wish I could die all over again'. This time, droplets leaked from his eyes, trickling down pale cheeks to stain the floor.

Ikkaku paced furiously about the squad barracks, head bowed and hands curled into fists. No-one, not even the pesky lieutenant, came within a twenty-foot radius of the scowling third seat. 'God damn him! God damn him and his obsession with beauty! And god damn me! Why the fuck did I have to go and do that? Crap, do I really have such a big ego? Fuck. Fuck everything. The asshole's probably crying right now, and it's all my fucking fault.'

* * *

The door creaked open softly. Nervous footsteps inched forward. Yumichika sat on the bed, facing away.

"Go away."

His voice was hoarse from crying.

Ikkaku placed a hand gently on the delicate shoulder.

"Leave me alone."

The voice trembled as if its owner could burst into tears at any moment.

"Yumichika, shit, I'm sorry. I'm really, really, sorry. Please forgive me. I never meant to hurt you like this."

The lithe body quivered.

"I love you, Yumi."

Yumichika pulled Ikkaku down, burying his face in his chest. The bigger man cradled him closer, placing soft kisses on his forehead.

"I love you too, Ikka. And … I'm sorry. It was my fault that I started it," the voice trembled again.

"Hush Yumi, let's forget about it, okay?"

Skinny arms wrapped themselves around Ikkaku's neck.

"Gomen … but … will you please trust me now, Ikka?" pleading amethyst eyes bore into slate grey ones.

"Promise you won't laugh at me?"

"I promise."

"All right then … I … don't know what … you see in me, or why you stick around me. I mean … I'm barely more attractive than Ganju! How am I even beautiful enough for you to like?"

Yumichika bit his lip, and, for once, looked completely serious as he faced his lover. There was no teasing, no comment about his bald head or squinty eyes.

"I'll tell you, but, …"

"But what?"

"But … only if … you promise, you won't hate me afterwards."

"Yumi, I promise, I won't ever hate you. Ever. No matter what. Not even if you lose all your hair and your skin becomes all wrinkly."

A smile tugged at the corners of Yumichika's mouth as he consented, "Okay, then settle in, because it's going to be a long story …"

* * *

A/N :

I hope you guys like the story so far.

Please don't forget to review - this is my first fanfic ever, so I'll be extremely thankful for any suggestions and critiques. :)


End file.
